utterly useless

Im sitting here staring at the computer screen, feeling satisfied, having just made/consumed breakfast for dinner. (cheesy egg-whites,toast, and day old coffee.) surprisingly yummy.
ok, so the coffee's not that great, but I'm tolerating it.
I didn't go to the gym today for the second day in a row. Im really angry at myself for this. i seem to have given up. That is definatly not something i need to be doing. Im going to be in the fashion industry. i cant get fat again. no one will take me seriously. I think im seriously BURNT OUT on working out. i still enjoy it most days, but there are those days where i just cannot make myself go. supposedly, thats normal but that never used to happen. a few months ago, i would drag my ass to the gym rain or shine, 9 hours of sleep or no sleep at all, healthy eating or binge eating. i would always go. I think im just extremely bored with my routine. but if i change it, i dont really feel like i got a good workout. sometimes, just thinking about going to the gym makes me tired. makes me want to just go to sleep. its so bad, when im at the gas station watching the numbers count up on the gas pump, those ticking numbers remind me of the seconds ticking away ever so slowly on the treadmill, and i get this feeling of pure hatred for working out. even the numbers on the fucking microwave remind me of working out, and im just like UGHHH. that's how lame i am.
so overall i just feel fucking fat and lazy. i cannot get back into the swing of things for the life of me. why nooottt? its so frustrating.


Im feeling pretty confident with my admissions stuff for FIDM. We'll see how long that lasts, once i get the email back from my advisor reading my essays.
Ive started getting outfits together for the project. im pretty excited about it. i think i have a chance! i hope i hope i hope.

I was reading Marie Claire earlier, and they had an article on this store in China where they buy a bunch of used tv's, furniture, and stuff like that that women can pay to come in and smash all to pieces to release frustration about their jobs or cheating husbands and whatnot. They give the women hammers and bats and they have a minute to go at it and smash as much as they want. That is such a good idea. We should deffinately have places like this in America, no? That would be entirely too much fun.

back to selecting more outfits...