SEX.

Intimate activity intricately entwines the auric energies between two people. Sex creates a powerful exchange of auric energy between those involved. These connections and debris are left upon the aura for a long time because they are not easily cleansed or balanced. The longer and more intimate the contact with another person, the more powerful the interactions of the auric fields become and the harder it is for these connections to untangle and leave

why yes,

i love playing the waiting game.
how'd you know?

this explains it.

Walls are not beneficial to you or the person you put it up for. I feel like I’m stating the obvious, but lots of people make it a choice to alienate themselves.

People use their walls as a radar. It’s used to measure other peoples’ sincerity and persistence: if you get past an inch of brick you must not give a fuck about me, but if you bring down the whole damn thing, you must be a keeper. When mixed with immaturity, walls are also used to play hard-to-get. People who put up walls by choice do not use it to protect their feelings but to see who will bother to break it down. These people need to get real, because no one wants to use their time and energy to climb over the Great Wall of China. And definitely not for somebody who dropped it there on purpose. It’s wrong to purposely put up a barrier because it means that you are putting somebody to a test. You’re making it difficult for the other person while you just kick back and lean against your wall. In friendship and in love, no one likes to be tested. Not to mention that it’s arrogant to think that people need to go through great lengths just to get to know something about you.

When it’s involuntary, walls are just insecurities. Whatever your wall is hiding, it’s something you don’t necessarily want people to know. And usually it’s not just a small secret, walls are associated with shielding a big part who you are. You’re scared to get to know someone who will inevitably fuck with you, scared to let someone in who will walk out. It’s understandable. But you still need to get over it. It’s not enough to just recognize that you have a wall up and apologize for it. You have to fix it if you want to grow as a person and have good relationships. Insecurities are unattractive. Walls are unattractive. Whether it’s voluntary or involuntary, the majority of the time people will not take the time to break through your little maze and end up just saying fuck it.

If there is somebody trying to get to know you and you have a wall up, it’s your responsibility. It’s inconsiderate to expect the other person to climb over something that you built. They’ve already taken the time to voice their interest and made their efforts. Like TJ said, relationships are a two-way street. You gotta give a little. So get the fuck over your own wall, don’t expect the other person to do it. Happiness could lie on the other side, whereas your side only holds loneliness and insecurity.

break.

a little apprehensive at first.
but the way your eyes lit up, and the words came out of your mouth, i gave in.
felt safe.
60 to 0 in 2 seconds.
cant go any further.
jet black darkness.
why do you run?
i mean no harm.
i feel the need to fix what is broken.
i dont put effort in, where i see no potential.
im not like the others.
my smiles are genuine, my words are honest, my touch is passionate.
i am safe; know this.
get me under your skin.
you'll probably never feel that way again.
i can do good if you let me.
encourage, comfort, confide in, you wont forget me.
i want to be just what you're looking for.

fix you.

i can give everything, until there's nothing left.
it may be too late, but im offering.

there are sparks, but you put them out right as they ignite.
just let them grow, they're beautiful, if you'll let them.

my warm kind words are met with ice cold silence.
this wont get you anywhere.

im breaking my back trying to get you're attention.
i have so much to offer, and you just wont let me.

break down for me.
you wont regret it.

Dear cali boys,

i hate you all.
you're all shallow.
you're all liars.
you're all heroin addicts/cheaters/thiefs/stupid motherfuckers.
you're all disrespectful.
you all dont know what the fuck you want.
you all dont want a relationship.
and you all take advantage of my kindness/walk all over me
and you all make/have made me feel like shit.
FUCK YOU, CALI BOYS.

creeper.

so there is this construction worker that has been working on the house next door to mine, this week. there is a wall seperating my back yard from where he is working.
the other day, im sitting outside smoking a cigarette, doin' my thing, when he looks over the wall and asks me how my weekend was. ive never spoken to him before. i tell him it was fine. then he says " you were dressed to kill on friday" wtf.
how would he know that??...creeper.

then today, im doing the same, only this time, i had just woken up and my hair was all curly and crazy and i didnt have make up on. and he looks over the wall again and asks me if i was the same girl that was out there a few days ago, or if im her younger sister.
hahaha
i was like, noo, its me.

i guess i look like a completely different person when i dont do my hair/make up. scarier probably. haha

anyways, this man's a creeper and needs to stop creepin' over the wall!


the end.

singing "i got trouble" by christina aguilera.

ive always wanted to sing this song.
its not my best, but just wanted to do a quick one to see how it would turn out. :)