ya know,

steel-cut oatmeal with bananas and cinnamon is really yummy.
and sometimes, i like to sit and drink coffee/smoke cigs on my dock, in my underwear.
that is all.

monster

You cant stop.
its a fucking monster that will never leave you.
it consumes you, its all you think about.
you will never be what you want to be.
you will never be THAT good.
life isnt fair, and you got the shit end of the deal.
dont look, you'll only hurt yourself.
dont talk, nobody gets it.
"its just a phase." "it'll get better." "yeah, i do that too."
no, you dont. you dont know. you dont understand.
you dont spend days crippled by your thoughts.
paralyzed by what you see.
you dont know why you dont see the point in getting up.
you spend days in hiding, feeling like your not worth it.
you cant even look at yourself. words cant describe how angry it makes you.
you keep fucking up.
your just hurting yourself every day to reach a point youll never get to.
its the biggest battle that you'll never win.
but you would never know.
you dont see what i see.

look of the day

im going to start doing look of the day posts, with the outfits i choose to wear each day.
and since i will be wearing no outfit but my work outfit today, im going to start with a few previous looks from a few days ago.


White over-sized t-shirt- Express
skirt- Urban Outfitters


Black and white dress- Urban Outfitters
Blazer- Urban Outfitters


Grey jacket- Urban Outfitters
Striped tank top with back zipper- Urban Outfitters
Black pants- Urban Outfitters


more to come.
and i promise Urban is not the only place i shop. that was just a coincidence.

Urban Dictionary

1. amethyst
(1)Extremely cool and adorkable girl. Usually is seen reading classic novels and listening to indie rock. This particular person has the ability to be intelligent, but act completely stupid at the same time. Often misunderstood (2)The purple gemstone which is also the birthstone for February.
Holy hell! That girl is incredibly amethyst!
indie girl purple adorkable intelligensia
by Ammy Kennedy May 31, 2007 share this
2. Amethyst 18 up, 3 down
buy amethyst mugs, tshirts and magnets1) an awesome purple mineral

2) a girl who is beautiful beyond belief. Often mistaken for an angel, Amethyst has a certain glow about her. She is extremely intelligent but also has a naughty side. She is extremely stubborn and will always be true to herself. No regrets when it comes to Amethyst. People are easily drawn to her and her angelic charm.
1) she had an amethyst necklace

2) Amethyst is basically the universal definition of dream girl.
beauty gorgeous beautiful dream girl perfection
by SemoPrice Feb 9, 2010 share this


hahah

dont do it.

i dont play games.
i wont get fucked over.
i wont waste my time.
i wont settle for less than i deserve.
i wont be treated badly, again.
i wont i wont i fucking wont.

8 am

Me: I wish it would stop fucking raining every day.
Stepmom: I know
Me: it's depressing
Stepmom: isn't it? rain is only good for staying home and cuddling
Me: well I don't have anyone to cuddle with
Stepmom: you have me!
Me: yeah, but you don't have a penis
Stepmom: I can get one put on.
Me: it's not the same, sorry.
Stepmom: these days , anything is possible.

Haha wow.

so, its fall

and that means its time for a new pair (or two, or three, or four pairs) of boots!

here are a few that I have my eye on:











of course, these arent all of them, but just to give an idea.

I LOVE SHOES<3

all i want

is an apartment with a cute, loving, adorable boyfriend, a cat, and gucci.
thats all.

Long Clothing part 2

more pictures of the different designs.

LOVE: Long Clothing

Long Clothing company out of the UK.
i love the designs and how they are long, yet have a skinny-fit.
these are so badass!

things.

random things ive thought about today:

1. that time with the moments.
2. you.
3. hookahs.
4. being cross-eyed.
5. spiders.
6. oatmeal.
7. creeper at the gym.
8. how i want to take pictures on the beach.
9. the possibility of one day being in another relationship.
10. love.
11. anorexia.
12. russel brand.
13. gucci.
14. wondering how long ill have to wait.
15. boob jobs.

its amazing how many thoughts go through one's mind in a day.
the list could go on and on if i wanted it to.


im feeling really content right now.
i dont really know why. it may be those couple of hits i took a minute ago.
but its genuine contentness ( is that even a word?) that i feel.
i mean, i also still feel fat, and still wanna see you right now, and still wanna cuddle with my dog, and still dont want to work a double tommorow, and still havent showered today, and still need more friends. but here, right now, im pretty damn content. :)

how's that for the most random post ever?

stressin'

I have been working so much lately.
holy shit.
seriously, every day. I barely have time for school work. I had to do my paper today, three days early, just so i would have it done in time because i work allll weekend and a double on sunday. FML.
i seriously better have a fucking amazing paycheck.
after today i work 4 days in a row, have wednesday off, then work another 6 days in a row. i have never worked that much in my entire life. i guess thats normal for most people, but its stressing me the fuck out.

i am thankful to be staying busy though. that way i dont have to think about dieting and all that shit and hopefully i can get back to my routine and lose a few pounds.
ive been feeling really shitty mentally lately. i dont know what it is.
not very confident.
not very sure of things.

i miss knoxville a whole lot.
i wanna come home and see Gucci, and go to some shows, and smoke hookah in my room with a cute boy, and sleep in my own bed in my own room with my shit all over the walls. i miss my mom. i miss my friends. i still dont have anyone i can confide in here. no one to talk to about things. yeah, i have people i can call up, but thats not the same. i want to talk my shit out with my friends face to face.
so frustrating.
very very stressed lately.
and ive been smoking way way way way wayyyy too many cigarettes. its disgusting and i cant afford it anymore, but i cant stop.
ugh.