this explains it.

Walls are not beneficial to you or the person you put it up for. I feel like I’m stating the obvious, but lots of people make it a choice to alienate themselves.

People use their walls as a radar. It’s used to measure other peoples’ sincerity and persistence: if you get past an inch of brick you must not give a fuck about me, but if you bring down the whole damn thing, you must be a keeper. When mixed with immaturity, walls are also used to play hard-to-get. People who put up walls by choice do not use it to protect their feelings but to see who will bother to break it down. These people need to get real, because no one wants to use their time and energy to climb over the Great Wall of China. And definitely not for somebody who dropped it there on purpose. It’s wrong to purposely put up a barrier because it means that you are putting somebody to a test. You’re making it difficult for the other person while you just kick back and lean against your wall. In friendship and in love, no one likes to be tested. Not to mention that it’s arrogant to think that people need to go through great lengths just to get to know something about you.

When it’s involuntary, walls are just insecurities. Whatever your wall is hiding, it’s something you don’t necessarily want people to know. And usually it’s not just a small secret, walls are associated with shielding a big part who you are. You’re scared to get to know someone who will inevitably fuck with you, scared to let someone in who will walk out. It’s understandable. But you still need to get over it. It’s not enough to just recognize that you have a wall up and apologize for it. You have to fix it if you want to grow as a person and have good relationships. Insecurities are unattractive. Walls are unattractive. Whether it’s voluntary or involuntary, the majority of the time people will not take the time to break through your little maze and end up just saying fuck it.

If there is somebody trying to get to know you and you have a wall up, it’s your responsibility. It’s inconsiderate to expect the other person to climb over something that you built. They’ve already taken the time to voice their interest and made their efforts. Like TJ said, relationships are a two-way street. You gotta give a little. So get the fuck over your own wall, don’t expect the other person to do it. Happiness could lie on the other side, whereas your side only holds loneliness and insecurity.