sorry

i dont weigh 99 fucking pounds.
or have a perfect body.
or a perfect face.
sorry i dont look as good as all the others.
how am i supposed to compete with all of that?
how can i be confident around so many people that are very obviously better.
i dont get how someone could want me when they have so many better options to choose from.
that will never be me.
i dont even begin to compare.
i hate this.

I don't care if it hurts
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

ya know,

steel-cut oatmeal with bananas and cinnamon is really yummy.
and sometimes, i like to sit and drink coffee/smoke cigs on my dock, in my underwear.
that is all.

monster

You cant stop.
its a fucking monster that will never leave you.
it consumes you, its all you think about.
you will never be what you want to be.
you will never be THAT good.
life isnt fair, and you got the shit end of the deal.
dont look, you'll only hurt yourself.
dont talk, nobody gets it.
"its just a phase." "it'll get better." "yeah, i do that too."
no, you dont. you dont know. you dont understand.
you dont spend days crippled by your thoughts.
paralyzed by what you see.
you dont know why you dont see the point in getting up.
you spend days in hiding, feeling like your not worth it.
you cant even look at yourself. words cant describe how angry it makes you.
you keep fucking up.
your just hurting yourself every day to reach a point youll never get to.
its the biggest battle that you'll never win.
but you would never know.
you dont see what i see.

look of the day

im going to start doing look of the day posts, with the outfits i choose to wear each day.
and since i will be wearing no outfit but my work outfit today, im going to start with a few previous looks from a few days ago.


White over-sized t-shirt- Express
skirt- Urban Outfitters


Black and white dress- Urban Outfitters
Blazer- Urban Outfitters


Grey jacket- Urban Outfitters
Striped tank top with back zipper- Urban Outfitters
Black pants- Urban Outfitters


more to come.
and i promise Urban is not the only place i shop. that was just a coincidence.

Urban Dictionary

1. amethyst
(1)Extremely cool and adorkable girl. Usually is seen reading classic novels and listening to indie rock. This particular person has the ability to be intelligent, but act completely stupid at the same time. Often misunderstood (2)The purple gemstone which is also the birthstone for February.
Holy hell! That girl is incredibly amethyst!
indie girl purple adorkable intelligensia
by Ammy Kennedy May 31, 2007 share this
2. Amethyst 18 up, 3 down
buy amethyst mugs, tshirts and magnets1) an awesome purple mineral

2) a girl who is beautiful beyond belief. Often mistaken for an angel, Amethyst has a certain glow about her. She is extremely intelligent but also has a naughty side. She is extremely stubborn and will always be true to herself. No regrets when it comes to Amethyst. People are easily drawn to her and her angelic charm.
1) she had an amethyst necklace

2) Amethyst is basically the universal definition of dream girl.
beauty gorgeous beautiful dream girl perfection
by SemoPrice Feb 9, 2010 share this


hahah

dont do it.

i dont play games.
i wont get fucked over.
i wont waste my time.
i wont settle for less than i deserve.
i wont be treated badly, again.
i wont i wont i fucking wont.